* It's so dry the trees are whistling for the dogs.
* Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor.
* If things get any better around here, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.
* Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!
* Cute as a box full of puppies.
* You can't get rid of 'em. He's like a booger you can't thump off.
* It's about as hard as trying to steer a herd of cats.
* The wheels still turning, but the hamster's dead.
* I'll beat you so bad you'll feel like you were ate by wolves and shit over a cliff.
* He's so confused he doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his ass.
* She was as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
* There are a lot of nooses in his family tree.
* So crooked you can't tell from his tracks if he's coming or going.
* I wouldn't trust him any farther than I can throw him.
* He's got more guts than you could hang on a fence.
* So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.
* So dry I'm spitting cotton.
* Hot as a two-dollar whore on the 4th of July.
* So hot the hens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
* Cold as a frosted frog
* Cold as an ex-wife's heart
* Cold as a cast iron commode
* Cold as a banker's heart
* I won't say it's far, but I had to grease the wagon twice before I hit the main road.
* Busy as a funeral home fan in July.
* If a trip around the world cost a dollar, I couldn't get to the state line.
* We were so poor I had a tumbleweed as a pet.
* He looks like he was inside the outhouse when lightening struck.
* She looks like she was born down wind from the outhouse.
* Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
* Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
* Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
* The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
* Scared as a sinner in a cyclone.
* Scared as a cat at the dog pound.
* Pregnant before marriage: They ate supper before they said grace.
* She's so ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt road.
* He's so ugly his cooties have to close their eyes.
* So ugly his mama takes him everywhere she goes so she doesn't have to kiss him goodbye.
* She looks like she fell face-down in the sticker patch and cows ran over her.
* He looks like the dogs have been keepin' him under the porch.
* He's about as sharp as a mashed potato.
* So dusty the rabbits are digging holes six feet in the air.
* It'll last about as long as a fart in a whirlwind.
* He's rough as a corn cob.
* He's got enough money to burn a wet mule.
* He's about as sharp as a bag full of wet mice.
* It's as dry as the dust in a mummy's pocket.
* It's about as scarce as bird crap in a cuckoo clock.
* He's as tight as the pages in a book.
* Tight like a too-small bathing suit on a too-long ride home from the beach.
* This race is as tight as the rusted lug nuts on a '55 Ford.
* Hotter than a Laredo parking lot in the summertime.
* It’s hot enough to peel house paint.
* Running like a squirrel in a cage.
* Safe as a tick on a dog with a stiff neck.
* Dumb as a bag full of hammers.
* She's just naturally horizontal.
* Meaner than a skilletful of rattlesnakes.
* He couldn't find his ass with a flashlight in each hand.
* He couldn't pour rain out of a boot with a hole in the toe and directions on the heel.
* If dumb was dirt, he'd cover about half an acre
* So windy we're using a log chain instead of a wind sock.
* It's so foggy, the birds are walkin'
* Tighter than bark on a tree
* As welcome as an outhouse breeze.
* Her hair looks like a cats been suckin' on it.
* We were so poor my brother and me had to ride double on our stick horse.
* As bad-off as a rubber-nosed woodpecker in a petrified forest.
* As confused as a cow on astroturf.
* It was so hot you could pull a baked potato right out of the ground.
Source: stumpyver.fo
