Pierson School Admin Hacks Stab Coach Marienfeld in the Back

Pierson High School varsity boys basketball head coach Fred Marienfeld was terminated on January 29, 2009 in his fourth season in charge of the Whalers basketball program in a stunning act of betrayal.

The editors of HAM have known Coach Fred for years. He's old school and a tough cookie and maybe not always politically correct. But Fred's a fair coach and a great man. Warts and all, he is a man you would want in the trenches with you when things turn ugly.

The spineless hacks who are running Pierson into the ground (Pierson Athletic Director Bill Madsen, Superintendant John Gratto,( who is this guy anyway? and Principal Jeff Nichols canned Fred because he wouldn't suck up to two prima donnas on his team and their enabling (and media-savvy) parents. Coach Marienfeld had high expectations in a place where the Pierson inmates run the asylum and gutless administrators kiss the local parents' asses.

Why was Fred fired? Principal Nichols said,“The district has expectations for its coaches, and Mr. Marienfeld did not meet those expectations.”

Our expectations are that when this blows over, beloved Coach Fred will still be doing what he does best: coaching kids and teaching them how to give their best.

The newly vacant position for the boys varsity basketball head coaching job was posted yesterday, according to Nichols, who said a new head coach at Pierson should be prepared to bend over at my office on a regular basis and to prepare for a future firing.

Dumbest Car Accident Reports We Have Ever Heard...

As most of our readers know driving in the Hamptons, especially during the Summer months can be a death-defying activity. So the next time you come across a car accident scene maybe one of these excuses could be proffered to the parties involved:

* "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

* "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

* "I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."

* "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

* "I thought my window was down; but found it was up when I put my hand through it."

* "No one was to blame for the accident, but it never would have happened if the other driver had been alert."

* "The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him."

* "I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."

* "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

* "I was taking my canary to the hospital. It got loose in the car and flew out the window. The next thing I saw was his rear end, and there was a crash."

* "I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner when it was struck by the other car in the same place where it had been struck several times before."

The Negative Consequences Of Riding A One-Horse Pony

According to a recent report from the Suffolk Research Service Inc., the Hamptons real estate industry took a dive in 2008. The number of homes sold in the East End decreased 31% compared to 2007 and the amount of cash spent on house sales went down my more than 36%.

Because so much of our local area's economy is tied to real estate, the negative consequences of riding a one-horse pony will be felt strongly here for years to come. Fact: The Hamptons real estate bubble has burst.

Rather than diversify our local economy to mitigate the downturn of any one sector, our corrupt and short-sighted politicians, who were bought and paid for by the construction and real estate special interests, put all of us at serious risk. Like the Bush Administration and its corporate masters, they should be jailed. Instead, we'll see them lounging at the beach this summer on your hard-earned tax dollars.

Next time you pay more in taxes for less services, remember the people who got us here. Remember the people who got rich, while regular working folks fall further and further behind. The one bright spot: maybe we'll finally get some affordable housing out of this mess. The only problem is you need a job to own a home.

Semper Ubi...Sub Ubi (Always Wear Underwear)

Fashion designer Calvin Klein's plans to demolish his oceanfront home in Southampton Village on 650 Meadow Lane and replace it with a modern house made entirely out of his signature cotton underwear. The demolition will be subject to additional review by the Board of Historic Preservation.

"I love my undies," Mr, Klein said after a recent town review meeting. "They tug and pull on my manhood and the feel of soft, stretch cotton on my love handle is precious. My new modern house will take my signature close, body contouring to the next level. If you want to get into my pants, just come on over and visit my new home."

Klein's current house is a Norman chateau featuring his medieval armor collection and a large aquarium. If his new dwelling is approved by the Board, Klein plans to showcase his collection of underwear and panties from the countless people he's slept with over the years. "Most people don't know that the smell of used jocks and dirty panties was the inspiration for my Eternity women fragrance in 1988," Mr. Klein confessed. "My current house was once named Dragon's Head...now it will be known as Calvin's Head."

The proposed new house's design calls for three parts: a hole for Mr. Klein to pee out of, a low bottom studio wing and an elastic band fence.
Mr. Klein’s Meadow Lane neighbor Joseph P. Josephs does not appreciate the proposed new buildings. "I live behind the property and I don't think it will be pleasant staring at Mr. Klein's asscheeks day and night. If I were a young male or female model, maybe I would feel differently."

BEFORE MARRIAGE... And After Marriage...

John - Ah....At last, I can hardly wait!
Jane - Do you want me to leave?
John - NO! Don't even think about it.
Jane - Do you love me?
John - Of course! Always have and always will!
Jane - Have you ever cheated on me?
John - NO! Why are you even asking?
Jane - Will you kiss me?
John - Every chance I get!
Jane - Will you hit me?
John - Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Jane - Can I trust you?
John - Yes!
Jane - Darling!

After Marriage

Read from the bottom back up to the top

Source: www.funny.com

Infamous Marketing Screw-ups!!!

1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."

2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick."

4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the U.S., with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read.

5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

7. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.

8. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."

9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko-kou-ko-le", translating into "happiness in the mouth."

10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." Instead, the company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

Source: www.email-junk.com