On the heels of losing lucrative sponsorship deals recently from corporate whores AT&T and Accenture due to numerous allegations of marital infidelities, Tiger Woods proudly reported a new lifelong sponsorship deal from Viagra. "My johnson will now be plastered on their web site, and interested woman can click on and contact me anytime they wish," Tiger tweeted from an undisclosed location. "I'll also be writing a new column for their website called 'Hole in One.' It's focus will be a how-to-guide for men who want to score strippers, use corporate enablers as pimps and specific instructions on how to feign remorse when caught cheating on your spouse. American men admire my eagles and birdies and now they'll get a chance to learn the art of love from a master." "I couldn't have done all this with out my illegal script for Viagra," Tiger was reported as saying. "On any given day I was servicing upwards of 4 to 6 women, and sometimes my driver just wasn't up to all that work."
Viagra did not comment on its reasons for hiring Woods, or how much his new contract was worth. Woods has taken an indefinite leave from playing the field and this new corporate sponsorship deal is a way for him to, in his own words, "transform my image from disgraced family man to redeemed sexual athlete." In addition, Electronic Arts Inc., which puts out the “Tiger Woods PGA Tour” series of golf video games, has indicated interest in a Tiger Woods adult video game where you get to rate each sexual encounter and are awarded points for each time you avoid detection from the missus. Viagra did not immediately return requests for comment.
