Surging Red Tide in East End Believed to Be a Psych Ops Operation on Elite Liberal Bastion

In a country divided into blue states and red states facing another too-close-to-call Presidential election, it should come as no surprise that a toxic species of algae known as red tide has reappeared on the East End in recent weeks. "We're one of the capitols of the elite liberal media effetes and those cagey NASCAR-loving rednecks in the boonies have hit us right where it hurts," said Joe Halloway, who accepted Barack Obama as his personal savior last year. "What better way to get under our skin than destroying our ability to throw clambakes and staining our pristine yachts?" Joe whined in typical liberal fashion.

In recent weeks, as the McCain-Palin ticket has resurged in Middle America, liberals of all stripes have begun to panic and this latest round of psychological operations may prove to be especially effective. "We bard my brother's pickup truck in Jawjah and dumped Red Dye #40 into Peconic Bay," admitted Eustace Pickens. "We ain't ignert folks and we is raedy to fight for our rats." East End liberals will not take this latest attack lying down. They plan to retaliate by driving a caravan of powder blue Bentleys and dump blue dye to disrupt an upcoming truck offroad shootout in Texas.