A Broke East Hampton, NY Calls It Quits and Turns Out the Lights

Facing an insurmountable budget deficit caused by cronyism, incompetence and financial malfeasance, East Hampton's town government has decided to shut down completely and cease its daily operations. However, in order to further line their already stuffed pockets, East Hampton Town Supervisor William McGintee and his gang will be heading to Washington, D.C., the global nexus of overpaid lawyers, gridlock, finger pointing and corruption. Area residents appear to be relieved that decisive action has been taken and that McGintee and his clueless administration will be heading off to greener ($$$) pastures.

In addition to issuing bond anticipation notes (BANs) to borrow against a state-approved $15 million municipal bond needed to cover dwindling revenue, McGintee also approved a controversial interim proposal to replace the entire East Hampton municipal workforce with undocumented workers. As the disgraced town supervisor was cleaning up his office (and emptying the kitty) in preparation for his administration's move to Washington, D.C., he advised that local residents bone up on their Spanish and practice their salsa dancing.