New Phobias for a Dark Time

I suffer from ergophobia (fear of work). Throw in ochlophobia (fear of crowds) and pantophobia (fear of fears), and you can see why the Hamptons is a fertile breeding ground for my endless doubts (and loathing).

Do you suffer from...?

Obamaphobia -- fear of electing a black man President
McCainocityphobia -- fear of a third Bush term
Agateophobia- Fear of insanity (which directly correlates to) Palinephobia- fear of an extreme right-wing kook being only a heartbeat or lack there of from the Presidency
Bidenephobia -- fear of confusing historical facts and verbal gaffes
Bailoutinousphobia -- fear of an open-ended commitment to clueless, overpaid bankers with close to a Trillion dollars of taxpayer's money
Depressionaphobia -- fear of selling pencils on street corners

In a world that suffers sophophobia (fear of learning), we need to overcome our arachibutyrophobia (fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth). BE AFRAID, AMERICA...BE VERY AFRAID!!!