Everybody's got one: an atrocious Jitney experience...

Riding with Jabba The Hut...

My close encounter of the third kind happened a few years back. I had staked out my usual seat in the far back on a completely booked Jitney; eastbound for home in the Hamptons. I had gotten comfy and spread out my various accouterment in my usual fashion; so as discourage others from joining me on the bench seat next to the bathroom. I dozed off and awoke with a start at the Queens stop when a man resembling in both size and stature, a creature I had recently seen in one of George Lucas' latest films. I think the creature was called Jabba The Hut? As he waddled toward me in all of my recombant splendor, I knew I was done for. Two and a half hours later, my face sore from being pressed against the cool, smooth glass of the bus' window, I was beginning to have doubts as to whether I would make it to the Wainscott bus stop.

Here it was 3 hours into the trip and we were only half way home. Throughout the trip I worried about whether this particular window was one of the types that can pop out at the bottom and be used as an emergency exit. Adding insult to injury my "friend," who had managed to squeeze his abundantly padded ass into the seat next to me let loose a series of gaseous emissions that only a bull elephant would have been proud of. When the attendant made her rounds to serve us water and offer us something to read, I could see her looking at me as if I was but a mere shadow of my former self. I was tempted to ask for a gas mask , after all, shouldn't a 52 dollar trip come with a little more than a bag of chips and poorly written article by Dan Rattiner, kissing every Hamptonites' rich ass?

After the Five hour trip I vowed the moment I disembarked from the ride of a lifetime that the extra 6 bucks would be well worth it and my next trip would be on the Hampton Luxury Liner.

Look for future installments...
From: A Local Writer...who shall remain anonymous...

Next: Watching rich old people horde cookies and earmarked magazines on the Luxury Liner.