Sign of the Times

New York’s Department of Environmental Conservation estimates there are now 1 million deer living in New York State.

Contrast that stat with the number of affordable housing units introduced in the past few years in the Hamptons: probably less than a 150. Here is a novel idea...Why don't we start re-introducing the natural predators that feed on deer and see how the horse farm owner who has ponies, goats and other farm animals in his little enclave LIKES IT? Could be a great biology lesson for the kiddies to wake up to one morning and find their precious little pony's half-eaten carcass lying dead in the turn-out paddock. Wouldn't that be a wake up call? Or maybe stumble across the dead remains of their neighbor's nanny after she's been attacked and killed by a Mountain Lion.

Who ever posted this absurdly naive sign should take a really honest look at the ecology around their horse farm. There are TOO MANY DEER HERE BECAUSE OF US, NOT BECAUSE OF THE DEER...Let's stay in touch with who is really at the top of the food chain. We are the one's with the opposing DIGIT! And that simple fact has gotten us a long way. The act of being able to create the tools necessary to do things like control the deer population on this little spit of sand we call home.

This fool has not a care in the world compared to the average local resident who is trying to survive in the Hamptons. Feel free to spend more time and money worrying about the health and welfare of wild animals instead of the people who actually live here and have life-long connections to this place called the "Hamptons." It's folks like you who have driven the real estate values into the stratosphere to the point where a family making 60k a year and they still can not afford a house.

I cannot stand people who consider themselves conservationists and DO NOT HAVE A CLUE about the very natural world they're trying to protect. To coin a very popular phrase; they cannot see the forest for the trees. All of nature has been boiled down to their politically correct, animal rights crap and the welfare of our fellow men and women seem to end up on the short end of the stick.

I am sorry but the deer is on the losing side of this proposition as far as I am concerned. And to whoever posted this sign: I think you should refrain from doing so in the future because you are a spineless, weak, inhumane jerk-off who is speaking out of their ass. YOU KNEW
THE DEER WAS SUFFERING FOR TWO HOURS AND YOU JUST WATCHED IT HAPPEN?
ANY SELF-RESPECTING ANIMAL LOVER AND OR FARMER WOULD HAVE TAKEN QUICK
AND DECISIVE ACTION.

You should have done the job yourself right then and there. You waited and watched the poor thing suffer for two hours. In that amount of time I could have gutted and field-dressed the large, cloven rat and been on my merry little way to the butcher's shop where I could have had enough food to last my family a month or two this winter. So do me a favor, try and refrain from making a complete ASS out of yourself by posting your opinions about the finer points of wildlife management issues on your "mini-billboards" when you really don't know what you are talking about.

And just remember it was YOU who was too emotionally weak to end the suffering of a dying animal who has been hit by a car driven by a human. In closing, you might want to look up the laws governing car accidents and wildlife. You will be very shocked at what has been on the law books for many years. If you cause an accident because you are trying to avoid hitting a wild animal it is YOUR fault, you are SUPPOSED to hit the deer in order to not cause further harm to your fellow man...

Venison, anyone?

JOHN McCAIN ANNOUNCES HE'S AN AGENT OF LOOSE CHANGE

Announcing he's the real agent of loose change, Republican Presidential candidate Sen. John McCain will be making a brief appearance in the Hamptons area in the coming weeks wearing his white Naval garb and driving an ice cream truck dubbed the "Straight Cream Express."

"If you go on my official web site's home page, I advise the American people to 'Serve a Cause Greater than Yourself.' After eight years of corruption, a limping economy and a misguided war under Republican leadership, I've decided to serve my country by serving free ice cream directly to the top one-percent of the population who've benefited from our policies and hand out loose change from my coin dispenser to the rest of you suckers who can't bring themselves to vote for an uppity African American. My campaign of distortion and lies designed to distract voters from the miserable state of our once-great nation is based on the old adage: 'I scream... Obama screams... we all scream for ice cream.'"

GUANTANAMO INMATES GO ON HUNGER STRIKE AFTER BEING FORCED TO WATCH PLUM TV

Reports have begun to circulate that all of the inmates at Gitmo and a few of the guards have gone on what has been described as the largest hunger strike in modern history. What has brought them to this level of desperation?

"We found resort area TV programming to be much more effective than waterboarding and other forms of torture," said Brigadier General Richard "Dick" B. Buster." The shows from the Hamptons seem to drive the mullahs crazy and since we started the broadcasts our nation has gained invaluable intelligence that should prevent another attack on our homeland." Civil rights groups have begun protesting the continuous broadcasting of vacuous human interest stories, B-list celebrity interviews and real estate sales pitches geared towards America's elite as gross violations of the Geneva Convention.

Apparently plums are a forbidden food that have been described in the Koran as "the fruit of the Devil." After repeated attempts to contact Plum TV's senior management for comment, this reporter's calls have not been returned.