In a recent experiment, ass kissing was found to release chemicals in the human body that ease stress hormones in both sexes and encourage bonding in men, though not so much in women. As we are inundated with many of the finest purveyors of this art-form here in the Hamptons during the summer months we thought it worthy of further investigation.
The experiment involved corporate employees who practiced the art of ass-kissing with their bosses for 15 minutes while listening to elevator music. The subjects experienced significant changes in their body's levels of the chemicals oxytocin, which affects pair bonding, and cortisol, associated with stress. In addition, traces of feces on the subject's tongues appears to improve their job security.
The experiment was conducted in a major bank's board room. The researcher who conducted the milestone rump-love-fest plans to repeat it "in a more romantic setting like a corporate bathroom and may involve more intimate gestures." In general, the science of ass kissing — Sphinctology — is under-researched and a provision for $229 million dollars of funding has been included in the latest round of "Economic Stimulus Legislation."
3 comments:
This was hilarious... up until the point the two words "tongue" and "feces" showed up in the same sentence! SICK!
Sometimes you just have to go there...
While listening to elevator music? Thats just wrong.....lol
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