The Obama Administration announced today that it would go ahead with plans to build a museum in Ashville, Ohio honoring the artistic contributions of John C. Holmes or Johnny Wadd (after the lead character in a series of related films) as part of its record $785 billion dollar stimulus package. "Ohio is too big to fail; Ashville is too big to fail; and the late great Johnny Wadd was too big to fail," President Obama said at a press conference. "Johnny always knew what to do when it came to his woody. Johnny lived the dream of "yes, we can" and now his museum will become a mecca for his fans and his more than 14,000 ex-lovers. Johnny had the ultimate stimulus package."
Ashville, Ohio was Johnny Wadd's birthplace. The proposed new Ohio museum will showcase clips culled from Johnny's 2,500 adult loops, stag films, porno feature movies, at least one gay feature film and a handful of gay loops that were made in the 1970s and 1980s. In front of the $22 million dollar complex, a giant 20-foot penis made of concrete and a painstaking replica, will stand as a tribute to John Holmes' s exceptionally large penis, an organ heavily promoted as being the longest in the porn industry. Free condoms will be distributed to the new museum's first 1,000 visitors. "People wonder if we're shooting our wadd with this new stimulus package, " President Obama explained. "Well, in one sense, they're right."
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