Jerry Daila Enema's Near-Viagra Experience

Jerry's Dink

By Jerry Daila Enema

At first I was excited.

I actually started to laugh at the grotesque nature of my limp predicament.
But, slowly, ever so slowly, I began to enjoy myself.

At one point, I put on some old Frank Sinatra ballads. But breathing became an issue and I pondered, "Can an ancient bald guy die trying to well, you know?...What an incredibly stupid way to recapture my youth.
How would my family take this act? The papers will never let me live this down.

It all started last Saturday when I was watching the Playboy channel. My wife, the mummified Judy Sphinct, was having her nails done. It was late afternoon and I felt stirrings I hadn't felt since the Mets won in 1969. I decided to run a bath after popping my little blue friend.

Now I must confess that I love bubble baths because they hide my furry beer belly. In fact, I poured every bubble bath lotion imaginable into my hand in order to capture that elusive feeling. I was feeling powerful...I was feeling potent...I was just about to...

"Honey I'm home," my wife Judy said as she opened the bathroom door. Thinking on my ass, I slid into the water and tried to hide under my rubber ducky. That's when I freaked out. The more I moved, the more I slipped into the water. The bubbles covered my signature glasses and I lost all feeling from the waist down. Bathus interruptus!

When I came out of the bathroom and told my family of my near-viagra experience, they took one look at the wet copy of Playboy by the bathtub and they knew what I was trying to do. "We should just hire you a hooker you dirty old coot," said Judy. My son B.J. said nothing. I could read his mind: "What was Dad really doing with his rubber ducky?"

My daughter Messy gave a better summation. "If you ever pull a stunt like that again, Dad, and I won't let you throw any more slumber parties with my friends."

I Can Still Dream...

Watching the debate last night had to be particularly painful for the Obama supporters. Where were the much anticipated guffaws, the slip of the tongue,the painful embarrassments?

Why didn't the moderator ask the "gotcha" questions and at the very least talk down to her? Katy Couric, attempting once again to justify a $20 million dollar contract by the gotcha technique looked petty and small as she attempted not to find out who Sarah Palin is or how given the opportunity might govern but to trap and hopefully make her look stupid.

And America's licensed airwaves which are supposed to be owned by the people remain owned by the entrenched "ruling class" and their minions who have led us to our present calamitous state. When Roosevelt died before most of you were born, a Vice President named Harry S. Truman took over. With a poor high school education not even respected by his own party and kept in the dark about the atomic bomb assumed the presidency. Armed only with honesty, a love of country, not seeking money or status he went on to be one of our great presidents. He didn't go to an ivy league school, He would have failed any "gotcha" interview and certainly would have felt uncomfortable in the company of our over educated leadership class, bankrolled by the scam artists and think tank creeps who have brought our financial system to its knees.

But don't worry Barack will save us all. What a joke. The recipient of affirmative action, both public and private, who has been running for the presidency since leaving Harvard and has no record, I repeat no record of achievement that is noteworthy will lead us to the promised land. The cruelest joke of all. Can't you see there all in it together. the Bushes the Kennedys, Kerry, Gore and Clinton and a cast of hundreds of others --- supported by Wall Street, lobbyists and the richest of the rich tell us once again that you and me must pony up to save the Union and continue to cheapen our currency so that we're the laughing stock of the world.

Someone ought to remind Barack and his educated spouse that America fought a ghastly war to correct the wrongs of slavery and during that conflict the flower of American youth, over 400,000, gave there lives to rid us of the evil and save the Union. Learning of that sacrifice early in life might, just might have made her proud to be an American. Could it be possible that someone like Harry S. Truman, a common American like ourselves can save the nation from an impending disaster, recapture that spirit of service and patriotism that seeks neither wealth nor stature, that serves in truth and lives for the hope that America can be again that shining nation for all its citizens. I can still dream.

This post was received from one of our Conservatively minded readers and we feel that EVERY dog deserves his day....So we posted it!