Showing posts with label Murder. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Murder. Show all posts

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Top 10 ways to kill a 100 year old woman

10. Tap her on the shoulder
9. Tell her her 103-year-old husband just got a fresh batch of Viagra
8. Tell her that Rock Hudson was gay and died of AIDS
7. Play led Zeppelin at a high decibel level
6. Inform her that the Lawrence Welk re-runs have been canceled
5. Put parmigiana cheese on her spaghetti
4. Give her the "clap-on" remote control for Christmas
3. Tell her that her private nurse is taking a 2-week vacation
2. Give her a puppy
1. Throw her a surprise party

If all else fails simply shoot her in the back of the head.....

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The coldest blood of all....


To date there have been two crimes committed this summer that can be considered homicides in the town of Southampton. Other reporters seem to have very short memories and are stating that the murder of Jessie Burke is the only murder that has been committed in the recent past. This is not true by a long shot and will be explored in future dispatches.
Are we witnessing the end of the innocence here in the bucolic "Hamptons"? The "murder rate" has just jumped by 200 percent! Jessie Burke, a 100 year old woman, was shot in the back of the head, in her home in North Haven, New York and a Corrections Officer was murdered by a patron at a Hamptons night spot, he was apparently strangled to death at the Public House in Southampton Village.
The homicide in North Haven appears to have been an "execution style" killing with some type of fire-arm. The Suffolk County Police Department Homicide Squad has not released the caliber or type of gun used in the crime. Jessie's daughter Margaret Jean Burke, who owns the house in which they lived together was questioned and then released.
According to 27east.com, Margaret Jean Burke, known as "Jean" attempted to run for Mayor of North Haven some time ago and is known for being disruptive and argumentative during village meetings. She was arrested in a hit and run accident with the well-known lawyer, Bruce Davis who owns the "1-800 LAWYERS" legal service. According to witnesses who saw the accident in involving Mr. Davis, the car swerved and hit Mr. Davis who suffered injuries to his leg.
Why on earth would someone kill a 100 year old woman, who is basically defenseless? Why murder a 100 year old woman who is about as close to death as you can get to begin with. The only motive I can figure out at this stage in the investigation is MONEY and or GREED. Only in the Hamptons could such a thing occur. At this time I will do the impossible and predict, a family member or an individual designated by a family member to commit this crime will be arrested in connection with this murder.