It was a tragedy that East End authorities were hoping would never happen. A large flock of endangered piping plovers were clubbed to death on Sagg Main Beach by a mob of crazed human drummers during the finale of one of their popular weekly beach performances. The birds' crime? "They happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time," said the first local police officer to arrive at the bloody crime scene. "Apparently, these Bastards of Boom went into a deep trance and wanted to take their percussive highs to another, more deadly level."
"They were channeling Alice Cooper and the cute little birdies never had a chance," a sobbing witness told this incredulous reporter. "Once the orgy of killing stopped, some of the drummers wiped piping plover blood on their faces and began drumming again! It was horrible!!" Despite the seriousness nature of these crimes, local authorities appear to be willing to give the Samba music drummers a break and let them perform in the future. "The drummers plan on throwing a benefit concert in the fall with big-name celebrities and the Hamptons well-to-do to raise money to heighen awareness of the plight of the piping plover," one official said. "The show will go on!"
Look Around - Red Hot Chili Peppers
1 year ago
