President Dark Knight Obama: Ridiculing me won't get their money back. I knew that Wall Street wouldn't go down without a fight, but this is different. They crossed the line.
Paul Volcker Pennyworth: You crossed the line first, sir. You squeezed them on the campaign trail for contributions, you hammered them from your bully pulpit to the point of desperation. And in their desperation they turned to Rush Limbaugh, a man they didn't fully understand.
President Dark Knight Obama: Wall Street executives aren't complicated, Paul. Just have to figure out what they're after.
Paul Volcker Pennyworth: With respect, sir, perhaps these financiers you're after you don't fully understand.
#
Detective John McCain: Clinton. Jesus. I thought you was dead.
Two-Face Clinton: Half.
#
Russ Limbaugh: The famous Barack Obama. Michelle's told me everything about you.
President Dark Knight Obama: I certainly hope not.
#
Secretary of Treasury Tim Geithner: Oh, investment bankers in this world used to believe in things. Honor. Respect. Look at you! What do you believe in, huh? What do you believe in-?
[Ex-President George W. Bush leans down and sticks a grenade in the manager's mouth]
Bush: I believe whatever doesn't ill you, simply makes you...
[takes off his Obama mask]
The Ex-Joker President Bush: ...stranger.
#
Mayor Bloomberg: [regarding The Ex-Joker President] What do we got?
Lt. Al Sharpton: Nothing. No matches on prints, DNA, dental. Clothing is custom, no labels. Nothing in his pockets but knives and lint. No name, no other alias.
#
[stumbles out of wrecked truck]
The Ex-Joker President: [to President Dark Knight]: Come on, I want you to do it, I want you to do it. Come on, hit me. Hit me!
#
Happy: So why do they call him "The Ex-Joker President"?
Dopey: I heard he wears make-up.
Happy: Make-up?
Dopey: Yeah, to scare people. You know, war paint.
#
Two-Face Clinton: Paul, right?
Paul Volcker Pennyworth: That's right, ma'am.
Two-Face Clinton: Yeah, Michelle Obama talks about you all the time. You've known her, her whole life!
Paul Volcker Pennyworth: Oh, not yet, ma'am.
Two-Face Clinton: Heh heh heh. Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be aware of?
Paul Volcker Pennyworth: [smiles] Oh, you have no idea.
#
Ex-Joker President: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment! I only have one question. Where is Two-Face Clinton?
[nobody responds; The Ex-Joker President walks around the room pointing with his shotgun at everyone]
The Ex-Joker President: You know where Clinton is? You know who she is?
[grabs a man's face]
The Ex-Joker President: You know where I can find Clinton? I need to talk to her about something. Just something, a little.
[turns the man's face away]
The Ex-Joker President: No...
President Dark Knight: [to Bush] You wanted me, here I am.
#
Barack Obama: You know that day that you once told me about, when Washington would no longer need President Dark Knight? It's coming.
Michelle Obama: Barry. You can't ask me to wait for that.
Barack Obama: It's happening now. Hillary is that hero. She locked up half of Wall Street's criminals, and she did it without wearing a mask. Washington needs a hero with a face.
#
Paul Volcker Pennyworth: A long time ago, I was in Washington, D.C., my friends and I were working for the local government. We were trying to buy the loyalty of corporate leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their limos were being raided in a forest north of Virginia by a bandit. So we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never found anyone who traded with him. One day I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away.
Barack Obama: Then why steal them?
Paul Volcker Pennyworth: Because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. Greedy financiers and corporate charlatans can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some money men just want to watch the world burn.
#
The Ex-Joker President Bush: You know, I'll settle for his loved ones.
Gentleman at Party: We're not intimidated by thugs!
The Ex-Joker President Bush: [as he smacks his lips] You know, you remind me of my father.
[the Ex-Joker President Bush pulls out his switchblade and brings it to the Gentleman's mouth]
The Ex-Joker President Bush: I hated my father!
Michelle Obama: [off-screen] Okay, stop!
[turns to face Michelle, tosses the Gentleman to his thugs and approaches Michelle, adjusting his hair with the knife]
The Ex-Joker President Bush: Well, hello, beautiful. You must be Barry's squeeze, hm? And you *are* beautiful.
[the Ex-Joker Prersident Bush hovers around the incredibly nervous Michelle]
The Ex-Joker President Bush: Well, you look nervous. Is it the scars? You want to know how I got 'em?
[He grabs Michelle's head and positions the knife by her mouth]
The Ex-Joker President Bush: Come here. Hey! Look at me. So I had a wife, beautiful, like you, who tells me I worry too much. Who tells me I ought to smile more. Who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks... Look at me! One day, they carve her face. And we have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again, hm? I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars. So... I stick a razor in my mouth and do this...
[the Ex-Joker President Bush mimics slicing his mouth open with his tongue]
The Ex-Joker President Bush: ...to myself. And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I'm always smiling!
[Michelle knees Bush in the groin; he merely laughs it off]
The Ex-Joker President Bush: A little fight in you. I like that.
President Dark Knight: [off-screen] Then you're going to love me.
[attacks him]
