The Parrish Art Museum’s plans for a modern new spa—a $60 million project that will be funded solely with private donations—are full steam ahead despite the fact that the U.S. economy has tanked and the uber-rich are cutting back. The first phase of the 80,000-square-foot spa will open later this year. According to the proposed spa's director, Soupy Cultan, the Parrish Art Spa will strive to provide the best service possible. "Our goal is to create a special place where your every visit feels like a $250 dollar foot message given by a young Asian Geisha girl who has ulterior motives. We guarantee a happy ending."
The first phase of the spa will include a 42,000-square-foot concrete hot tub and the complete and utter destruction of the 14-acre grounds on Montauk Highway in western Water Mill, adjacent to Duck Walk Vineyards. The Parrish Art Museum will close in the coming weeks and its artwork will adorn it the spa once construction is completed. As well-known whores to the almighty dollar, the former museum’s leadership decided that catering to the physical and spiritual needs of the rich and sexually depraved made more financial sense than displaying art work. "I'm happy to report that the spa is booked solid with swinger's conventions this upcoming summer season," Cultan said. "What's more important to a rich aging woman: staring at mediocre art or getting a quality facial?" Cultan asked.
